Tips for making love last

Loving relationships take effort. The experts
suggested these tips for making love last.
Manage conflict. In her clinical work and research on
happy couples, Dubinsky has found that all couples
have conflict. But it’s how they deal with conflict that
counts. When a compromise doesn’t seem possible,
the key is to manage conflict and fight fair. This
includes not hitting below the belt, listening to your
partner and speaking clearly and directly, she said.
“Resist the urge to bring up prior events that may
help you prove your point.” Staying on track prevents
an argument from escalating. Consider your partner’s
point of view, and how they might interpret yours,
she said. ““We don’t have to agree, but we must
work to understand.”
Have a strong foundation. “Your interests, opinions
and experiences can change as you grow. But if you
share the same core belief systems, you will have a
platform from which to build a strong relationship,”
Rastogi said.
Have fun. “Whether it is gardening, deep sea diving,
or taking French cooking lessons, all couples should
have some activities that they enjoy doing with each
other,” Rastogi said.
Ask about your partner’s day, and actually listen.
“Offering a solution is not always necessary. Listening
always is,” Dubinsky said.
Be clear about your needs. The best way to get your
needs met is to communicate them clearly. As
Dubinsky said, none of us is a mind reader.
Share your feelings with each other. Vulnerability is
sharing your feelings – not your thoughts. And this
ultimately helps you connect emotionally, Hansen
said. “When you argue with your partner, the facts
do not matter. Rather it is important for couples to
share how the incident made them feel or how it
affected them emotionally.”
Carve out quality time. “This does not have to be
an elaborate date or a vacation; sometimes just
going to bed a little early, turning off the television,
and connecting can go a long way,” Hansen said.
Have your own passions. “We are all multifaceted,
complex creatures. Your partner will never be able to
match all your needs and interests. It is OK to pursue
some separate activities, either individually, or with
friends, apart from your partner,” Rastogi said.
Perform nice acts daily. “Show your partner that
you care with small gestures,” such as a compliment,
Dubinsky said. These seemingly small acts make a
big difference. Similarly, when your partner does
something kind, let them know, she said.
Dream together. “Knowing what you both want out
of life and working together to make those dreams a
reality will strengthen the bond in your marriage,”
Hansen said. Discuss your relationship goals and how
you’ll accomplish them at least once a year.
Respect your differences. Partners will always
have differences. “The strongest couples manage
their differences without becoming over-reactive, and
without disengaging from each other,” Rastogi said.
Embrace your partner’s individuality. The
idiosyncrasies we once fell in love with can frustrate
us today, Hansen said. But it’s important to let your
partner be themselves. “To help with this, make a list
of all your partner’s positive qualities, characteristics
and behaviors,” and keep it on your phone for regular
reminders, she said.
Consider counseling. According to Dubinsky, “Too
many couples wait until it’s too late or view therapy
as sign of failure. Couples therapy can take a
strength-based approach to help you identify the
strengths in your relationship and help you translate
those strengths into areas that are more difficult.”

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